


All We've Got Is Time and Touch

by peacefulboo



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Near Future, Post TYCT, Working shit out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 14:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16065521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peacefulboo/pseuds/peacefulboo
Summary: After a intense and hectic year or two, they give each other a little (just a little) bit of time and space to figure out what it is they dream of.





	All We've Got Is Time and Touch

**Author's Note:**

> This is one way I could see it going.

It’s time to decide what you want - 

It’s the fifth day of the New Year and for the first time in a decade Scott and Tessa have a long stretch ahead of them with no joint obligations. Which is why it’s kind of hilarious that he’s over at her house and they’re sprawled out on her couch in front of a blank TV screen with the rest of their lives looming in front of them. After the tour they immediately were faced with the busiest holiday season of their lives, squeezing in work obligations with parties thrown by friends and family in three different provinces and more cities. Tessa’s pretty sure she slept away the first few days of the year just trying to recover from all the indulgence and stimulation of the last four months. Or the last year. Whichever. 

Scott invited himself over and Tessa is glad he did, even as the gentle, but pensive look on his face when she greeted him at the door still has her nervous as fuck an hour later. Their half-eaten take-out is packed away in her fridge and she’s there on her couch, tucked into him as their hands are intertwined and their breaths come in complementary rhythms. 

“Where do you see yourself in three years, T?” he asks. 

Tessa closes her eyes and takes a cleansing breath. 

“Hopefully I finally have this degree and I’m working on a masters. Maybe doing that while working with a non-profit, the one that you and I create together, ideally. I’d like to still work with skating, maybe do a show or two where we can fit it in, but maybe not. But I’d like to work with choreography eventually. Perhaps not in the next three years, though.” She’s rambling, she knows she is. But the truth is, for the first time in her life Tessa hasn’t planned everything out to the last minute. She’s finally learned that unless it has to do with an Olympic quadrennial, she’s really shitty at keeping to her plans and it frustrates her to no end. Except not having a solid plan is also driving her nuts and right now it feels like she’s stuck. She can’t picture anything specific right now and she has so many hopes and dreams that narrowing it down to one path or goal seems overwhelming. She’s got the next four months to sort of figured out. Finish school, graduate in the beginning of May. Do Stars on Ice one last time. And then that’s sort of it. Everything else is big and wide open. 

She can tell by the way he hums out a little non-committal response that he’s not entirely sure what he thinks of what she’s told him. He’s quiet for a bit before asking, “That’s all you see?”

Tessa thinks about it for a solid minute and realizes that it truly is all she sees. “It’s all I see.”

Scott makes another noise in acknowledgement then lifts their intertwined fingers to his lips and kisses her knuckles. It tickles, which is weird. It doesn’t usually tickle. They’re silent for a few more moments and Tessa lets herself sink into his side more deeply, even as she forces her mind to stay blissfully blank, just for a few more minutes. 

The silence is broken when Scott asks, “If that’s all you see, is it also all you want?”

He’s so clever sometimes. Often when it’s most inconvenient. 

Tessa swallows hard before tucking her face into his chest and murmuring, “No.”

“Okay,” he replies, voice low in his chest and barely escaping his lips. This time he kisses her hair before asking, “Will you tell me what you want? What you want your life to be in three years?”

“Yeah. I can do that,” she answers, but she can hear how her voice trembles and knows he can hear it, too. “I want you. There with me. Together. Working, living, all of it.” 

Scott doesn’t say anything, but he does press another long, hard kiss to her hair. And then a softer one. It’s sweet and wistful and it brings tears to her eyes because even without looking at his face she can feel the longing there. 

And Tessa gets a little brave and asks, “Where do you see yourself in three years?”

Scott sucks in a breath like he wasn’t expecting the question. Of course he wasn’t. She’s gotten really good at avoiding asking it. “I want to tell you, T. I do.”

“I know you Scott. Nothing you say is going to be a surprise,” she tells him, lifting her head a touch to kiss his jaw before settling her head in the crook of his neck and waiting for him to shatter her.

“Okay,” he breathes against her temple. “I see me working with that non-profit with you. Working with Skate Canada, mostly doing development work. Probably focusing on the Novice and Junior level stuff. The specifics of that are a little hazy.” He pauses and she squeezes his hand to encourage him to continue. And he does. “I don’t know where I’d be located, that’d depend on a lot of things. But probably London or Toronto. Montreal maybe. It just depends on...” he trails off then and she feels his shoulder shift against her cheek as he shrugs. 

Her. It would depend on her. “What else do you see?”

“Kiddo,” he warns, clearly giving her an out. 

There’s a part of her that wants to take it. To keep her head in the sand and all of these future plans and dreams solidly in the realm of assumptions and wishes. But if there is any way through for them, they have to lay it all out for each other. Even if they aren’t on the same page. Maybe especially then. 

“Tell me Scott. What do you see when you dream of your life in three years,” she encourages. 

“What I see or what I dream?”

“Are they not the same for you?”

“They were. Till about a minute ago.”

“Then what do you dream.”

“What I dream is a lot,” he tells her with a sheepish laugh. “You and me dancing in a kitchen, this kitchen. We’re happy and nervous. My hands are on your belly. You’re probably, I dunno, six months pregnant maybe? It’s not fair, I know,” he finishes and she can feel him pull back a little. 

There’s a huge part of her that wants to retreat. She wants to unattach herself from his grasp and get to the other end of the couch, to another room, to another building even. But she doesn’t. She wraps her arms around him tight and does her best to picture that with him. 

It’s not something she’s ever actually pictured before. Herself, pregnant, happy with Scott. She’s pictured them kissing and fucking and working side by side, year after year, even after she gives up the fight and lets her hair go gray. Sometimes she’s even seen them surrounded with kids, kids that could be theirs or could be nieces or nephews. It’s never been clear. But she’s never pictured herself pregnant. 

It’s terrifying and as much as she’d love to claim that his revelation settles something in her and that it feels perfect and right, it doesn’t. It doesn’t feel wrong either, though, and that’s a relief. It feels a little intriguing and a lot frightening and very, very unreal. 

“Thank you for telling me,” she whispers against his shoulder as she does her best to keep her breathing even.

“Always.”

“Can I ask a follow up question,” Tessa asks, nerves making her a little nauseated. 

“Of course,” Scott answers, running his hand over her hair in a soothing gesture. One he’s done a million times and one she knows is just as much about calming himself as it is about calming her. 

“If I never wanted that? The pregnancy and the kids,” she clarifies before continuing, “It’s important to you, I know. But if I never get there, would you still want me?”

Scott sits up, disloging her from where she’s resting against his shouder, but he doesn’t pull away. Instead he turns so he’s facing her and he cradles her face in his hands and she can’t help but look him in the eye then. “It would be an adjustment and I’d want to know more,” he says, brow a little creased and eyes curious, “But I will always want whatever you want to give me, Tessa. I’ve tried the alternative and it’s not a path I want to go down.”

“You would be such a good dad,” she says, tears springing to her eyes when she pictures it. 

“If that’s what life has for me, then I like to think I’d do my best,” he tells her and it breaks her heart because he’s already adjusting his dream. He’s already getting himself ready for her to say she’ll never want it. 

“I could be a good mom, right?” she asks. 

“You are the best person I know. You’d make an amazing mom,” he confirms. And then he frowns and starts again, “Just because you would be great at something, doesn’t mean you have to do it. It’s a decision I think you need to make independent of me.”

It’s overwhelming. His love and admiration for her is so complete and full and she suddenly remembers a conversation she had with one of her girlfriends once, a decade ago. They were talking about relationships and the whole philosophy that sacrifice is foundational to relationships. They were left with the question: Who wins? Whether it’s an O’Henry-like attempt to out sacrifice each other for the sake of the other, or a stubborn longing to have your own needs and wants met, how do couples decide who gets to give the most, or who has to. 

“I don’t think I’ve made a decision independent of you in a long time. This seems like an odd time to start,” Tessa admits. “How would I even begin?“

“We can take a break. We’re free for the next few months and you have school to focus on. So do that. Focus on school and I’ll do what I need to do and then, when you’re ready to add to this conversation, we’ll have dinner and see where our heads are at,” he suggests as he squeezes her hands in his. 

“Are you wanting to cut off all communication?” she asks, swallowing hard. 

“No. Not at all,” he answers. “But maybe we’ll just text for awhile. Talk on the phone if we need to work on business stuff. I just think that maybe you, or really both of us, need to get some clarity.” 

“Okay,” she agrees. 

And it sucks. 

 

***  
You can have it all - 

It’s been three weeks since they decided to take some time. Three weeks of minimal talking and pretty much zero physical contact. They don’t have any tours planned until late April and Tessa is finally finishing her elusive bachelors, talking through a lot of shit with Jaime over Skype, taking different fitness classes almost every day of the week and just doing her best to stay in one place for more than a month at a time (which is really fucking hard).

Which is why she finds herself, with her head in her mom’s lap for the first time in half a decade, trying to figure out what she actually wants out of life. 

“How did you do it?” she asks after a few minutes of silence. Kate is running her hands through Tessa’s hair and it’s pretty much the most soothing thing in the world, and at any other point it would have put Tessa to sleep, but her mind will not shut up and she’s come to realize (a little bit late, perhaps) that her mom might actually have some pertinent experience. 

“Hmm?” Kate asks. 

“How did you raise the four of us, and get your MBA while Kevin and Casey were still little, before online school was a thing, and then have a career with all four of us in every activity known to man? How did you stay sane?” 

“Oh dear. It wasn’t easy,” Kate tells her with a laugh. 

“You made it look easy,” Tessa tells her with a deep sigh. 

“Nothing about having kids is easy. Nothing about graduate school is easy. And nothing about combining those two was easy. Your dad was supportive, in theory if not practically, but it helped. And there’s a reason you were so close to your Nana,” Kate tells her with a matter of fact grace. “The boys were already pretty self-sufficient by the time you needed to be taken places and their teammates parents took them to practices. Jordan, too.” 

“Was it hard to rely on other people?” Tessa asks. She knows herself well enough to know that it would be incredibly hard to let others take a significant role in actively raising her kids. But if her mom did it, then why couldn’t she? 

“Tessa, it’s normal for people in your community to help you out. It’s the way life’s supposed to work. We aren’t meant to go it alone. As someone who has always been a part of a team, I think you know that deep down.”

Tessa doesn’t respond but that doesn’t mean she ignores what Kate says. She tries to picture what that would be like. Her and her partner raising a kid or kids together, not alone but with the help of others. The problem is that this also means the influence of others and that’s a hard pill to swallow. She also tries picturing Kate in the role her Nana played and has to smile at that. Kate is a very different kind of nurturer to Nana, but Tessa has no doubt that she would be an amazing grandmother to her children. She already is for Casey’s kid. 

“Is this your way of saying you might want to have a kid someday?” Kate asks, still running her fingers through Tessa’s hair. Tessa wonders why she doesn’t let her mother coddle her more often. It’s amazing. 

“I’ve never not wanted kids,” Tessa says on a sigh. “I just haven’t actively pictured it very often. I never had a longing for them like some people do.”

“Like Scott?”

“People get that wrong, too. He’s never been in a hurry for it either. He’s amazing with kids and has always wanted to have a family someday but he was always okay with that being a long way away.” Tessa can’t keep the wistfulness out of her voice. They’ve been on the same page there for such a long time and now she can’t help but feel like she’s gonna have to catch up real quick. 

“And now a long way away is just around the corner,” Kate prompts. 

“Yeah. He’s so happy and content and settled in his bones. It’s so different this time.” It’s been beautiful to watch even as it terrifies some part of her. 

“Oh, Tessa, my girl,” Kate says with a sad laugh. “You love him.” And there it is. Her mother says it so matter of fact and there’s no denying that she means that Tessa loves him completely. 

And she does. Tessa loves Scott in a holistic way that doesn’t defy definition but instead encompasses all of them. 

“I do,” she whispers. 

“And do you know if he loves you?” 

“I think he does,” Tessa admits. “At least he says he does.”

“Do you have any reason not to believe Scott when he says that he loves you?” Kate asks voice so neutral that it must be on purpose. 

Tessa lets herself absorb the question. Why is she so unsettled right now? Why doesn’t she fully believe him when he hasn’t been able to successfully lie to her since he was seventeen? 

Does she not believe him? Truly? 

“What do I do?” Tessa asks her mother for the first time in years. She’s been so independant the last half a decade, purposefully so. She’ll ask her mom for advice on what to wear or how to do her hair or where she wants to go for a joint vacation, but she’s been making her own decisions about the big things on her own for a long time now. It’s her way of owning her choices and her mistakes. She doesn’t ignore her mother though. She’s been actively using her as a guideline, a template for how to make decisions and what may or may not be wise or good. But she doesn’t actually ask her for advice and it’s been an important exercise in autonomy and Tessa’s glad she did so. But now she just wants her mom to tell her what to do. 

“Well. That depends, doesn’t it?” Kate starts. She continues when Tessa shifts to look up at her even as she remains quiet. “You have some choices to make. You can do the hard thing and make yourself even more vulnerable to him and risk him breaking your heart. Because that’s what you’re afraid of, and that’s normal. Or you can close up tight, distance yourself because the risk is too big and do what you can to move on. The risk there is that you break his heart in the process, as well as your own.”

Tessa sucks in a harsh breath at her mother’s stark truth. When she puts it that way, what else is there to do? 

“I have to be brave, then,” Tessa says after a minute. 

“It’s nothing new for you, baby.”

***

Tessa lifts her head from where it’s resting against her niece’s soft hair when she hears the front door open. The four-and-a-half-year-old has been sick for the last week and none of Casey and Megan’s usual caregivers were able to take her while both parents and Kate all have appointments they can’t easily get out of. Tessa only has a couple of assignments due this week and nothing else on her calendar, as was the plan going into February, and she’s glad she gets some extra hang out time with the little one, even if she’s a bit miserable. 

Casey pretty much collapses into the armchair that sits kitty-corner to the couch, resting his head against the back with his eyes closed. Tessa can see how tired he is and wishes she could do more to help them. 

“How’s the Bug doing?” he asks, not opening his eyes. 

“She’s been asleep for about half an hour. I gave her some fever reducer an hour ago so she’s not as warm right now, and she’s been sleeping like a log, so hopefully she’s getting some good rest in.” Tessa keeps her voice low as she runs her hand over the little girl’s hair and kisses the top of her head. She’s been lethargic and a little whiny when she’s awake, but super cuddly which Tessa is loving. She also gave Tessa a slightly chaotic lowdown on her favorite shows, insisting they watch at least three episodes of Sofia the First. Tessa does her best to savor every second she has with her, knowing how many opportunities she sacrificed with her Bug while she was out in Montreal. 

“Were you able to get her to eat anything?” Casey asks, obviously skeptical. 

“She ate like five bites of tomato soup and two cups of diluted apple juice,” Tessa admits with a bit of a grimace. She’d done her best to encourage her to eat more but she knows she wasn’t terribly successful. 

“That’s actually better than we managed by this time yesterday so we’ll take it,” Casey admits with a bit of a grimace. 

Tessa should probably get up and get ready to go so she can get out of their hair, but Casey doesn’t seem to be in any hurry to get her out the door and she isn’t keen on waking her niece right now since she’s sleeping so deeply. 

“She looks like she’s out,” Casey says with a fond look on his face. “You could probably put her down in her bed if you need to get going.”

“We’re good,” Tessa tells him. “Unless you need me to get out of your hair, I’m enjoying this time with her.”

“No rush, Tess,” Casey says. And then after a few moments of silence he adds, “You look good with her.”

Tessa knows that Kate has probably threaded some of her concerns into her conversations with her older children, and Tessa doesn’t mind really. With all of them busy and scattered in both age and location, Kate is frequently the one who keeps them up to date on each other’s lives. Everyone in their immediate family are excellent secret keepers, so they never feel much of a need to keep secrets from each other, which is nice. 

“She’s the best,” Tessa tells him, kissing the top of her niece’s head again. 

“She is,” Casey agrees with the first genuine smile that Tessa has seen from him today. 

“I love how inquisitive she is. She’s so smart and kind and she’s so funny. Even though she was sick she was making sure I was comfortable and taken care of. You’re raising a great kid.”

“She reminds me a lot of you. Especially at this age,” Casey says with a far off look on his face. 

Because of their age gap, Casey and Tessa have never been close in a traditional sense. They only lived in the same house for a few years and none of those are years that Tessa remembers well, so Casey was always more of a hero to Tessa than an older brother. It’s been a little strange to get to know him as a brother only now that they are adults. 

But Tessa realizes that just because Tessa doesn’t remember living with Casey, that doesn’t mean Casey doesn’t remember what small Tessa was like. It’s a bit of a weird revelation to have. 

“I must have driven you nuts back then.” Tessa knows from all the stories that she loved to follow all of her siblings around and try and do whatever they were doing. She’s also heard a few stories of how her siblings would wake up to find her at the head of their beds staring them down. She imagines that was probably pretty disconcerting. 

“Not really. You were hilarious and so determined. You would get so mad when Kevin and I wouldn’t let you wrestle with us. We finally let you one time and you almost broke your arm. We felt so bad and I think you could tell because you barely cried. You only let out two little tears and then told us that you were just fine and tried to get us to play again. Dad almost killed us.”

He smiles as he says this. She doesn’t remember and that makes her a little sad. 

“Did you always want kids?” Tessa asks. 

“Like did I always dream about having kids?” Casey asks. 

“Yeah. Like when you were a teenager or in college, was having a kid one of your goals?” she asks. 

“Not really,” he answers. “All I really wanted to do back then was to play football for as long as possible and then be successful at whatever career I settled on. I figured I’d have a family eventually, but that didn’t become a priority until I met Meg, really.”

“Did she want kids?”

Casey pauses and looks at Tessa, curiosity written on his face like he’s trying to figure out where she’s going with this. 

“Sure. Most people do and it wasn’t that I didn’t want kids, I just didn’t really think about it much,” Casey tells her. 

“But you’re happy? You don’t regret it?” 

“Am I always happy? No. It’s hard to be really happy on two hours of sleep when your kid is puking her guts out and work is a mess and your wife just would really like you to take care of the lawn like you said you would earlier in the week. But I have no regrets. Being happy isn’t something that anyone gets to be all the time. Or even that anyone _should_ be all the time.” Casey tells her with all of his usual pragmatism. “But on the whole? I have a really good life. A really good life.”

“Yeah,” Tessa agrees. 

“What’s on your mind, Tess?” Casey asks. He doesn’t usually get very deep with her, but every other year or so they have a long, deep conversation about life and philosophy. She’s realizing this is a good time for one of those. 

“Scott wants a family,” she starts. 

“And you want Scott,” he says. 

“When have I not wanted Scott?” Tessa asks with a sad smile. 

“Do you want an itemized list of the times you did not want Scott? Cause those times definitely existed.”

Tessa just glares at her brother. He’s not wrong, though. But all of those times were when she made a conscious effort to ignore her desire for her partner for one reason or another. But the potential was always there. 

“Look, Tess,” Casey starts, “You would be an amazing mother. But you can and are an amazing person without that. Have you asked him if it’s a deal breaker? ‘Cause I’m not sure it would be. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and I mean off the ice at a shindig at your house, no cameras or romantic music around. Those looks. Where he’s always aware of where you are in the room, where he smiles when he sees you’re happy. I don’t think it’s a deal breaker for that guy.”

Tessa closes her eyes at her brother’s description of Scott. There’s a part of her that wants to say he does that out of habit due to their on-ice partnership, but she knows that’s just a line they’ve been selling so long that they sometimes forget that it’s bullshit. 

“I don’t think it’s a deal breaker for him necessarily, but I just feel like I should know what I want before I step into this with him.”

“That’s kind of bullshit and you know it, Tessa. You’ve worked through some shit together. No one, least of all Scott, is going to expect you to have your life plan figured out before you agree to date him.”

“Oh we’re way past dating,” Tessa says. 

“Fair point. You have worked through a lot of life together, so why isn’t this something that you do together, too? Not having a kid together, but figuring out if that’s what you both want. Talk to him about it. I think he’d welcome the conversation.”

He probably would, but they had agreed that she should at least try and figure out what she wants independent of what Scott wants. That she should try and figure out her own mind and heart without any extra pull from him. When she tells Casey this he scoffs a little. 

“Tessa, you’re in this together. Whether you’ve figured that out yet or not, you’re in this together and have been for longer than most marriages last. Unless you’re ready to completely abandon him, the ship has sailed on you making a decision without Scott’s influence. And that’s okay. That’s the part of partnership that most people have to work their whole lives to figure out after they’ve already said their vows.”

“But what if we don’t end up wanting the same thing?”

“Just because it freaks you out a little, doesn’t mean you don’t want it,” Casey says with a knowing look. 

“What if I’m bad at it,” Tessa asks after a few minutes of silence. 

“You will be. That’s just life. You’ll make your best and worst decisions as a parent. But you care a lot and you’re smart. And you’ve been in therapy learning how to manage shit since you were a teenager. You’ll rock it more than you’ll fuck it up. No doubt,” Casey finishes with a shrug. As if he hasn’t said exactly what Tessa needed to hear. 

Tessa presses a cheek against the sleeping girl’s head and breathes her in. She smells like a kid now rather than a baby, and a sick one at that. She smells like sleep and juice and sweat. 

For the first time she lets herself picture Bug as her own kid. One that she lives with day in and day out. A kid who needs her all the time and wants to be with her just as much. A kid that she names and feeds and reads to every night. That she has to be up with when she can’t sleep, that comes to her first when she’s hurt. It would be amazing and horrific and terrifying and exhilarating. Overwhelming in both good and bad ways. 

And then she adds Scott to the picture and she sucks in a harsh breath because fuck if that doesn’t just bowl her over. She manages to picture dancing with Scott in her kitchen, heavily pregnant but laughing with her favorite man. She pictures him sitting next to her and a three-year-old kid of their own as little one does her best to get sick in the toilet and not on the floor. She pictures him pacing up and down halls with a fussy baby, exhausted and a little haunted but doing it anyway. 

She pictures all of it. And it scares the shit out of her, but it also leaves her with a touch of longing. And maybe a little more willingness than she’s ever had before. 

“I don’t think you’d regret it,” Casey tells her. 

And then the Bug wakes up and sees her dad and scrambles off Tess’s lap to climb into Casey’s and Tessa has to smile. 

She isn’t sure yet, she truthfully may never be sure, but she’s open to it now in a way she’s never allowed herself to be and that’s something. 

***

 

She waits three more days after her talk with Casey to text Scott and ask him if he’s available to come see her sometime soon. 

He texts back immediately with an offer of coffee and pastries in half an hour. She nods as she texts him back telling him she’ll be here. Her hands shake as she waits, so she wipes down her already spotless counter and throws out some expired food since it’s trash day. She takes the trash out to the curb just as the garbage truck turns onto her street (she cuts it close every week), and sighs in relief when he’s knocking at her door just as she finishes washing her hands. 

She can feel how big and relieved her smile is when she opens the door and finally lays eyes on him for the first time in over a month. He looks so good, even with his ubiquitous Canada parka and dark sunglasses that obscure half his face. His hands are full with coffee and pastry bags but she can’t help but throw her arms around his torso as he lifts his up just in time to avoid dropping the drinks and food. 

Tessa squeezes him tight and breathes him in and doesn’t want to let go. He does his best to return the hug, but without his hands free the best he can manage seems to be resting his arms around her shoulders and resting his head against hers. 

“Kiddo,” he finally beseeches, “let me put this stuff down so I can hug you right.”

Tessa hmms out an assent but squeezes him one more time before pulling back and grabbing the drink and pastries that are both in his left hand and leading him into the house. They bypass the kitchen and move straight into the tv room, setting their breakfast on the coffee table. He drops his sunglasses there as well, and shrugs out of his jacket and then he draws her down onto the couch with him, his arms coming around her so tight and strong that she almost wants to cry. 

They stay there, wrapped up together for a little bit, occupying each others’ space and breathing the same air. They’ve had breaks from each other before and it’s always been a great feeling being back together again, but this feels different. This feels deeper and broader than ever before. 

“Missed you,” Tessa murmurs into Scott’s shoulder. 

“I missed you, too,” he answers. “Even more than I expected to.”

“Let’s not do that ever again,” Tessa throws out there. 

“Six weeks is a long time without getting to see you,” he agrees. 

“It’s a long time without getting to hold you,” she counters. 

“Yeah,” he agrees. He sounds weary, which hurts Tessa’s heart in a strange way. 

After a few more minutes cuddled together Scott taps at her hip and Tessa reluctantly pulls away. 

“We should drink the coffee while it’s still relatively warm,” he reminds her. 

It’s definitely cooled off by this point and Tessa debates sticking it in her microwave to heat it up, but she’s been inside all morning and doesn’t necessarily need the warmth today. The caffeine is good, though. It’s also good to have something to do with her hands. She needs to be able to really look at him while they have this conversation, as much as she’d like to keep her face buried in his chest. 

“How’s your niece doing?” Scott asks. He shifts so he’s sitting back against the arm of the couch, facing her now. He has an adorably concerned look on his face and Tessa smiles fondly back at him.

“She’s better. Has her voice back and was talking up a storm on Facetime last night,” Tessa tells him. 

“You managed to stay healthy, though?” he asks. 

“So far so good. It was super gross though, poor thing,” Tessa admits. 

“Yeah,” Scott agrees before continuing, “We usually get the kids when they’re happy and healthy and full of energy.” He says it like he’s making a concession. He nods again and his brow furrows and she can tell something is shifting for him.

Except she’s pretty sure it’s the wrong thing and when she tries to catch his eye he’s looking down at his hands. So she reaches out to grasp one and shakes it a little, encouraging him to look at her again. 

He does so with a smile. A sincere, sweet smile with only a little bit of sadness, and damn if she doesn’t love him a whole heck of a lot in that moment. He really is already molding his outlook and adjusting to these new expectations. 

“She’s my Bug, though, and I mostly just felt so bad for her. She was miserable,” she continues with a frown as she remembers how out of it the little girl was. “But even when she was miserable she was sweet and kind and, yeah, a little cranky and she cried a little when I didn’t understand her right away, but at the end of the day when she was snuggled up against me...I could see it.”

She jostles his hands in hers with excitement and wonder and smiles brightly at him when he cocks his head and peers at her in curiosity. 

He squeezes back, humming an acknowledgement of what she said and encouraging her to continue.

“I could see us. I could see us dancing in the kitchen, me super pregnant, but still happy. I could picture holding your little boy while an older daughter snuggles in and we read to them before bed. I knew that together we could raise some pretty great kids to be tough and kind and to dance and wrestle and to be respectful but mischievous.” Tessa laughs a little because she can honest-to-god _see_ it. “It will be amazing. And gross and exasperating and so exhausting, but mostly amazing.”

“Really?” he asks and Tessa can tell he’s still holding back. That he wasn’t actually expecting this outcome. 

“Really,” she says with a vigorous nod. She lifts his hands to her lips and kiss them hard and then rests her cheek against them, once again so glad to be in the same space as him again. 

“Because I’ll be okay if we don’t have that. Especially if you don’t want it. If it’s kids or you there’s no contest. Cause it’s you, Tess. Always, always you,” he tells her, voice low and a little awe-filled. He pulls his hands away and cups her face, prompting her to lift her head up and look at him again. 

“You are the best man, Scott,” Tessa tells him. Because it’s true. “I am in love with the best man.”

He snorts out a laugh at that but sucks in a deep breath when what she says registers. “I love you, Kiddo,” he tells her. “But really. Don’t do anything for me just because you think it’s what I want. I’m with you no matter what.”

“I want a family with you Scott. Whatever that ends up looking like,” she assures him. 

“Okay,” he replies, a real smile blooming on his face, finally. And then his face contorts into his fake version of blase and he asks, “So, uh, do you maybe want to date?”

Tessa bursts out laughing at how ridiculous he is. “Yeah,” she answers. “Let’s date.”

“Could you imagine?” he says, so incredulous as he pulls her to him and they settle back against each other, half lying on the couch. 

“Nope,” Tessa answers, turning slightly so she can look at him a little better. “I told Casey that we were a little past that point. He agreed,” she says. “He was actually really helpful.”

“Older brothers can be helpful,” he agrees. Tessa figures he’s been talking to his own brothers a lot the past few weeks. She’s suddenly flooded with affection for their whole big family and just how much they’ve all put up with as they’ve lived this crazy life alongside their youngest siblings. 

“We’re pretty lucky,” Tessa says, tucking her face into Scott’s chest and breathing him in again. She will never, ever get tired of this. 

“I know I for sure am,” Scott says. 

They lay there together for a few minutes, coffee and food forgotten as they let their bodies mold around the other’s. 

“Hey, so I was wondering something else,” Tessa says, looking up at him and breaking the silence after a few moments. 

“What’s that?” he asks. 

“You ever gonna kiss me?” she asks, forcing a teasing lightness into her voice to mask her slight trepidation. It’s not so much that she’s scared he’s gonna reject her, but she is curious why he hasn’t taken the opportunity. 

“Heck yeah,” he answers.

And then he just keeps hugging her. 

Tessa rolls her eyes and pulls back a little so she can look him in the face. “Kiss me,” she tells him, barely able to keep the smile off her face as she runs her thumb along his lips. 

She feels him inhale before he looks at her wide eyed and says, “Oh you meant like right now,” with another teasing look on his face.

Tessa decides to play along and shrugs, “I guess it can wait,” she replies as she pulls away from him to sit up and move away. She bites her lip to keep from smiling but it doesn’t really work, so she looks away and reaches for her, now very tepid, coffee. 

She only makes it as far as stretching before he’s tugging gently on her hand. “I think we’ve both waited long enough, don’t you?” he asks. It’s like switch has flipped and the dorky, teasing Scott is gone, replaced by her serious, fierce love. 

“Yeah,”

“C’mere then,” he says. His hands are again on her face, coaxing her forward. His eyes are open and she can tell by the look in them that he’s cataloguing everything about this moment. With anyone else she’d close her eyes as she leans in but she can’t look away. 

The kiss is like their best dances. Sure and perfectly balanced. There’s nothing tentative or overly aggressive. He tastes like coffee and the blueberry muffin he barely took a bite of and Tessa has to close her eyes and sigh into his mouth when he hums just a little against her lips. He pulls back for a second and then drops another perfect peck against her lips before pressing his forehead against hers. 

“We’re gonna be so good at this, T,” he tells her. 

“Kissing?”

“Life,” he replies. 

“But also kissing,” she tells him as she kisses his jaw, and then his cheek, and then his mouth.

“All of it.”

And she believes him. It’s not going to be perfect. There will be times of anger and frustration and deep sadness. Times when they doubt and even times when they kind of hate each other. But on the whole, they know how to weather those storms, have proof that they can do it and do it well. 

But for now, in this moment, she’ll enjoy some more really spectacular kissing.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, as usual, to C & D for their invaluable help with this. 
> 
> Let me know what you think, yeah?


End file.
